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Perspective Mar. 30th, 2008 @ 11:21 am

 I'm not sure if you all saw this on Oprah or somewhere else but just in case you didn't... I had to share it with the people I care about.

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

Every now and then we come across a human being with extraordinary strength and wisdom that helps to remind us of why we should treasure each and every day and live every moment of our lives full of love and wonder.  Why there is no time for envy, hate or pity.  Why living right, loving right and helping others is worth more than a big bank account.  Why all that small stuff that some people let consume them... just really doesn't matter. ;)

We've talked a lot about perspective here lately. He sorta sums it all up, doesn't he? 

This battle we face that brought us together here is just one part of such a big picture.  Fighting it, and coming out on top, begins first with our attitude about it.  If we can look at it, not as 'poor us' having all this weight to lose, but instead that at least we have the opportunity to do it...to change it... and understand how that alone can empower us to keep going and how it effects every other aspect of our being... well then, we've already won! ;)

It doesn't matter if you have 400 pounds to lose.  What matters is today. This very moment. What matters is your attitude. The choice you make right now simply because you want to live better. Then you keep doing it. Sure, you'll fall.  But you get back up. Attitude!

Having weight to lose makes our focus to live better that much clearer ...if you let it.  Setting goals and accomplishing them empowers every other part of your life. The 'poor me'... does nothing but make you sink further.  The 'oh well'... can do the same if you dont learn from it.

We need to change how we look at it. We need to change our attitude about it.  We need perspective.



Signs, signs, everywhere are signs.... Aug. 13th, 2007 @ 10:01 am

Once again, this entry is a long time coming!   

In March we went to London.  The day we flew out I fell down the stairs at work and, as my mom likes to say..."I creeled".  I missed a couple of stairs and came down sideways on my foot.  I twisted my ankle so bad it immediately blew up to the size of a football.   Ouch!  Being the stubborn girl I am I decided that I was ok.  I finished work in pain and just went home to finish packing and get ready to fly out.  Well,  after about 5 minutes at home, and some excruciating pain, I realized that I needed an xray and hopped to the car with tears in my eyes and we were off to the hospital.

I thought the lady at check-in was going to drop after looking at my ankle.    They took me in for xrays and told me it was a severe sprain.  I had an air cast put on, I was given crutches and was told to stay off of it for at least a week.  Not a problem...except...I was leaving for London that afternoon. :) 
 
Now I know this happens to alot of people and it used to be something that happened to me quite often in my younger days even though I was quite athletic.  Just one wrong step and I was put in a cast.  Since I had lost weight and started walking/running regularly it hadn't happened once.   It was one of those rewards you don't really expect but are truly grateful for.   Lying in that bed in the emergency room I could have kicked myself!  If I had still been working out as I should have been I would most likely not be there.  Instead I spent the entire time in London hobbling around on crutches all day long.  It took me a while to recover too.  It wasn't easy but I figured it was my penance.  

I took it as a sign. 

In June we were off to Iceland to see Steffi and Torben.   Now Steffi's been with me almost the entire journey.  We've seen each other off and on over the last 6 years or so.  She's very committed and I don't think she'd mind me saying that she was always so focused on the scale, as many of us are.  She was also my partner in the 'i'm working out so much, why isn't the scale moving anymore" saga.   It's not an easy thing and it's why alot of people quit.  I could feel the frustration when reading her posts and could relate well to it.   She never gave up though...and that, in itself, was always inspiring.   

Because it's almost always daylight in Iceland at this time of year, they attended a 5k run in the middle of the night.  Before the race began Steffi didn't seem so motivated to be there...it was, afterall, very late and it had been quite a long day since they had to get us at the airport in the early morning hours.  She psyched herself up and started stretching out and warming up with her friends.  I was so excited for her but couldn't help thinking that if I had just kept running myself I could be joining them instead of just watching from the sidelines.   

Another sign.  

We took pictures of Torben and Steffi throughout the course.  Torben won his race...and quickly.  Steffi came around the bend alot sooner than many of the other runners and it was obvious that the endorphins she picked up along the way were lifting her sky high!   A whole new attitude...renewed motivation...a true passion and love for what she was doing.  I remember that feeling so well.  I felt it wash over me as she completed her race.  I wanted it back!!  How intoxicating that was for me!    

Steffi has always loved to swim and run and Torben has been a serious and committed tri-athlete for as long as I've known him.   I didn't expect that this had changed but I also didn't expect to be as motivated as I was ...by both of them.    Steffi's whole attitude had changed.  She had no idea how much healthier she was really.  To do something because it gets you something else, like the scale moving, is one thing but to do it out of the pure passion and dedication you have for it without even seeing the rewards you reap is truly inspiring.   Steffi looked to me as she did when I saw her at her smallest weight way back in 2001.  She didn't see that, though.  She still saw herself as bigger than she was and biked and ran and swam because she develped a true passion for it...no matter the reward.   It wasn't until I pointed out older pictures that she could see how different she looked.  To know that came out of passion and not struggle sheds a new light on everything.  

Torben is really a super guy but I thought that he was one of those people you and I love to 'hate' because he doesn't gain weight.  He is tall and thin but he has quite an appetite.   I wouldn't have guessed he could fit that much in his belly.  They had cute rules for themselves so they could still have all the foods they loved...like candy!  Once a week, if they ran a race, that person could choose the place they bought their one bag of candy.  It was adorable to watch steffi try and manipulate the rules so they could go to her place where she thought they had the better candy...but at the same time it made so much sense.  

Moderation not deprivation.

Torben isn't just naturally thin....he works for it.  He works very hard...doing what he loves to do.  Steffi didn't just get back to this size because she suffered with salads and avoided her beloved ice cream...as she tried to do for so many years...she worked for it.  Only, they don't look at it as work.  They don't look at it as something they must do...they want to do it.  It makes them feel good.  It gives them something to do together and it helps them make better choices in other areas of their lives.  

The short time we spent there certainly renewed my passion for everything good we can do for ourselves and our attitude toward it.  It reminded me of how I used to feel when I was working out consistently.  I want it back.  Who cares what the scale says?  Who cares if we ever reach that magic number?  There is nothing better than those endorphins lifting you higher!

Soon after we left a big race they had been training for all year was cancelled.  Not cool and Steffi was genuinely upset by this.  

I wonder, though, if she realized that she didn't have to race to know that she had already won!   



Only one pound of fat..... May. 15th, 2007 @ 11:10 am
Hello, do you know me?

If you don't, you should. I'm a pound of fat,

And I'm the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet.

Want to know why?

It's because no one ever wants to lose me;

I'm ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!

Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds, or fifteen pounds, but never only one.

So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.

Then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice it.

That is, until I've grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.

Yes, it's fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT, left to do as I please.

So, when you weigh in, keep right on saying, "Oh, I only lost one pound."

(As if that were such a terrible thing.)

For you see, if you do this, you'll encourage others to keep me around because they'll think I'm not worth losing.

And, I love being around you - your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you.

Happy Days!!!

After all, I'm ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!


There will always be pizza..... May. 14th, 2007 @ 05:26 pm

"I can never finish what I start"....  I read that in the forums today and immediately thought 'but there is no finish'.  

I just "celebrated" my 10th year at this...(wow!)...and still feel like i'm learning and struggling and fighting all the time.  I'm not even at my ideal weight so i'm not 'finished' either.  I may reach that magical number one day but even then....I wont be finished.   Every day is a new start.  Every day there are choices in front of me and I need to make those choices based on what i've learned over the past decade.  I need to decide how important it is to me with each and every bite I take.  Andrea used to say "how bad to you want it?"...and "what are you willing to do to get it?"

There was a time that weight loss was all consuming for me.  At 400 pounds I guess it really needed to be.  Had I not made it such an important part of my life, I'd probably not be here now typing this.  But, admittedly, the 10 miles a day thing and being finatical about writing down every bite I took was a bit much.  What can I say?  I wanted it that bad!   

I did find a balance, maybe a bit too soon (lol) but I did find it.  I know that eating right not only helps at the scale but it makes me feel good.  I know that exercise and endorphins are natures anti-depressant and I that I feel awesome when I do it!  I try to take care of myself now for reasons well beyond the scale.  I also know that in order to keep losing I need to write in my journal every single day and I need to exercise almost religiosly, it's the price I pay for having lost so much weight (and muscle)....  I've come to terms with that.    I eat better than most people I know.  I move my body somehow daily and I still feel great.  I want it.... just not as bad as I used to right now.   It doesn't mean that I didn't finish...it just means i'm still on that journey.  I'm ok with not having perfection because I still weigh an entire person less than what I used to!

Admittedly, I'm not always perfect at this.  I still like my red light foods and I do still have them on occassion.  The difference is that I don't eat until I can't move now, i've learned moderation and have lots of tips and tricks to keep me on track even if I do induldge.  I don't sabotage myself by thinking " I can't " because I had more than I should have or didn't get out to walk or run like I said I would.   I get up each day knowing I have a choice and using what I have learned to push me forward with enthusiasm instead of back with regret.

Each and every day is a new start!


"These are the thoughts that go through my head...." Apr. 9th, 2007 @ 11:46 am
Yes, i'm an Alanis fan. :)

Recently I talked with someone who has as much weight to lose as I did when I started this journey.  She is/was so overwhelmed with the numbers and can't even begin to imagine losing even half of what she is facing.  Of course it's easy for me to relate.  I never really knew how much I weighed back then because most scales only go up to 300 and I was already over 400.  When I went to the doctor's office I had to stand backwards on the scale because my belly was so big and they had to add these weights to the end to get where I needed it to go and balance it out.  So, as you can probably imagine, the first time I stepped on the scale at Weight Watchers and learned that I had over 200 pounds to lose I too was overwhelmed, to say the least.  

It's easy for me to go back to how I felt then and I knew just what this woman needed to hear because it's what I wish someone would have told me back then.  I've learned an awful lot in this 10 year journey.  Both about myself and about this process.  I've learned that it really doesn't matter so much how much you have to lose.  Whether it's 20 pounds or 200 pounds, you still need to learn the lessons.  You still need to change the behaviors...for life.   The only difference is that when you have a significant amount to lose there is probably more to change and more to learn.  That's not such a bad thing.  As long as you remember that the process, the learning, the changing and the growing doesn't stop once you reach a certain number.   As long as you keep up the fight, stay humble and never forget from where it is you started you'll get there.  One way or another.

So because i'm trying to revamp the website and light a fire under my own butt, and hopefully some others,  i've been thinking alot about all the things i've learned along the way and all we do to get the scale to move down.  Ultimately that is what we all want or why we all started this journey or found our way here in the first place.  Seeing yourself in someone else's eyes and words and taking your own advice sure helps you keep things in perspective.    

Perspective - It's not all or nothing.

When we don't have 2 hours to commit to exercise or when we don't get in our 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies each day or stay within our guidelines should we just give up on everything else and call the day a wash???  Do we just eat that extra piece of pizza or  have that dessert because we didn't perfect the day we had planned anyway?   Many of us do just that.  

Here's the thing.  When you keep in mind that 3500 calories in or out is 1 pound on or off it's easy to make better choices...even when the rest of the day/week/whatever hasn't been perfect.   That extra bite, extra serving...extra day 'off'...it's extra calories.  It could very well be that extra pound you're so afraid of!  The scale doesn't know that you took that day 'off' or wait for you to get back to it.  It sounds as though it's common sense BUT we have all thought this way at one point or another. 

Get over it! - So you ate too much.  So you didn't work out as you had intended to.  So you shoulda had a V8 instead of that gallon of ice cream.  What did you do today?  Did you park further away at the store?  Did you take the stairs instead of the elevator?  Did you avoid that snack at the office?  

It works the other way too.  Excuses are just that.  You just weighed in and feel like you can eat whatever you want because you don't have to get on the scale until next week now.  Newsflash - it often takes days for your body to adjust to all you've consumed.  The scale is just one measure of your success at this.  Many things factor in to the number you see...not just what you consume.  Using the same excuse all the time without any attempt to change it does no good...fools no one.  The only one you're hurting or fooling...is yourself.  Nobody else really cares that much. :) 
Other entries
» Hello my friends....
I do hope this finds you all healthy, happy and full of life!   

I don't have alot to add but thought it time I updated just so that you all know i'm still alive and kicking harder than ever. :)   Things are going well in my world although it seems life is almost at a standstill right now.  For some reason Mark has not filed the divorce paperwork that I gave him (signed and stamped) last June.   Because of this Russell has to leave the continent every 3 months and cannot apply for residency.  He went back home in November to spend Christmas with his entire family and in March we will go to London for a few days.  I can't really comment on the reasoning behind Mark's delay as he will not address the issue with me at all (strange, but true) but i've learned many important lessons in this past year...one very important one is not letting him or his life choices affect me emotionally anymore.  

When I got back from New Zealand last summer and had my  yearly physical I learned that I had lost quite a bit of weight while I was away without even being aware of it.  I try not to get on the scale too often but in the past 6 months or so I feel those same jeans I was wearing then getting a  little tighter each time I put them on.  I know I've not been focusing enough on my diet or exercise and need to do so or I can be 400 pounds again in a matter of months.  Just yesterday I put my treadmill in a good place, 'unfolded' it and left it that way so it calls my name every day.  I have my water bottle sitting in front of me now and a fresh salad waiting at home.  One day at a time!

We are keeping busy redoing the kitchen and getting out to play in our first snow storm of the season here in N.E. 
Russell and I are driving up to Maine this weekend to spend some time with Suzie and meet her new grandbaby.   It will be good to get away.

I'm planning on revamping the entire getting2goal website.  I truly believe it will help to spring me right back into the healthy lifestyle I know enjoy so much.   I hope you all come along with me and send me all your thoughts and ideas. 

Take good care and be happy!
Kim
Feb. 16th, 2007 @ 09:17 am
» Times they are a'changin
Hard to believe it's been over a year since I last posted an entry here. A very big thank you to all of you who visit just to read my thoughts and take the time to send me kind words. It still means so much to me that I am thought of and wished well....even after all these years.

I appologize for my hiatus but, as you will soon learn, life has taken some pretty major turns for me and my family in the past year. Some bad...some good. I needed time to just deal with all of the strong emotions that come with such big changes... and time to greive for what was as well. I needed time to just worry about me and what I wanted, to think about my kids and what I was teaching them. Some of you already know that Mark and I are now separated, have been for over 6 months now actually. That's quite a big change after 20 years. In hindsight, i'm now aware that I've been fighting for something I was never going to get for at least a couple of years now. Mark and I started dating in high school and he soon became my entire world. To love and share so much...to give yourself, your heart, your love and trust to someone so completely. It's what I wanted most from my life...i've always know that. It's what I was taught as a child. It's what he said he wanted to. The structure of a strong relationship can define who and what you are and it gives you a safe place to run to when life throws it's shit at you. It's what we should hold most sacred...it's where your focus goes when you're on your last breath of life.

We were very happy for a long time and we went through so much together. I thought we'd be together forever. It seems the differences in us that once complimented our relationship began to push us apart. Lies were told and trust was broken and what I held most sacred in my life started to disappear in front of my eyes. I tried very hard...I fought like hell. He didn't. There are things I could and probably should have done differently, things i should have said or done...not that it would have made a difference in the big picture. I'm quite sure he feels the same. It's sad but it seems our lives have taken different directions. We want different things. He is a much different person than I am and a much different person from the man I married. I understand that part of it is genetic but it becomes your own fault when you choose not to do anything about it. Just like weight loss. You can't complain about being fat while you're stuffing your face with a quarter pounder with cheese...just doesn't work that way! To work so hard for something when the other person has given up, not only on himself, but on you as well...well, it's pointless. I finally got that. I'll admit it's been hard for me to let go and to stop caring or worrying about him so much ...it's who I am...but i've reached a place now that feels so much healthier and happier. Being apart has shown me that i've really been carrying all of the weight (no pun intended ...lol) for a long, long time now. It showed me that he isn't who I married anymore. He became who I created in my head and not the person he truly turned into. It showed me that I was making excuses for him and that I really did deserve all that I believed I was missing. This is a good thing! It's ok that he doesn't want to fix himself and that he doesn't want to have to work for anything...that's his choice..doesn't mean I need to be a part of it.

The kids are good. It's been a long road for them too but, in the end, what I want most for them is to love and to be loved and as it turns out..I wasn't setting a very good example for them the past couple of years. They miss their dad being here every night but in all honesty, he's a better father being away and giving them more quality time when they are together. Fingers crossed that lasts. Things seem to be settling and a new beginning awaits....

So on to some good news... there is someone new in my life. Well, he's not really new as i've known him for 8 years now...but he is new in the respect that our relationship has recently evolved to a whole new level. Russell is someone that I met online and, although he is 9 years younger than I, was immediately intrigued by. He is brilliant and artisitc and he is filled with such love, compassion, emotion ..and, maybe most importantly, common sense. Over time he became my dearest friend and most trusted confidant. As he lives on the other side of the world, we did not 'get together' often but he did come to visit once. We had a great time. He was always well aware of my deep devotion to mark and was actually a driving force in my fight to keep my marriage strong and happy. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, In April I flew to Australia (where he works) to visit with him for a couple of weeks. He then flew back to the states with me to spend two weeks here with me and my kids. I won't say it was perfectly blissful as we are both dealing with such strong emotions and change but he opened my eyes and gave me a clearer picture of what I want, need and deserve...him.

As of right now the plan is for the kids and I to spend the summer in Australia with him as he finishes up his work. In August we will fly over to New Zealand, where he is from, to visit with his family and tour what I believe to be the most beautiful place in the world. After leaving N.Z., he will come home to live with the kids and I. As he has a masters in Engineering Geology and, even more importantly, that inner drive to accomplish and produce, I can't imagine it will be too hard for him to find work here and be happy in that work.

This is Russ and I on the beach in Yeppoon, Australia.

So, as you see, many changes. My weight is about the same as it was this time last year although I did go up about 20 pounds that I took back off again. That 20 still feels as bad as 200! It leaves me now about 25 pounds from my all time low and probably 50 or so from where i'd like to be. My diet is still good although I face the same demons of not eating enough and not exercising enough. It's now been 9 years since I began this journey and today I am still 175 pounds less than I was when I began. I'm proud of that but not so proud that I don't think about going the rest of the way almost daily. It keeps me in check! I know what I need to do...exercise like a mad woman and journal my food religiously. I'll get there. It does feel good to me that most of this has become habit now and I never lose sight of where I once was. All of you, all of this...getting2goal...has alot to do with that! So thanks!

I promise to write again soon.
May. 14th, 2006 @ 01:59 pm
» Time Flys....
It's not that i have alot to add this morning. It's more that if I don't check in here every now and then the emails start to come....my friends begin to wonder if i'm stumbling along this rocky path and maybe need a shoulder to help carry me. People just want to know that i'm ok ...if I need some support or sometimes, just how my life is going. I am truly blessed to have that.

When I am away it really usually is just because i'm busy or that I feel like my sharing my thoughts with you is more just ramblings that nobody's interested in. I understand that people want to know how i'm doing, what i'm eating, that i'm not struggling. It gives them hope for themselves. After all it's most likely the reason you're reading this entry in the first place. It's what I look for in others..it's human nature. But I really want you to come here and take something away with you each and every time...not to just read letters put together for the sake of having something to read. I hope you understand.

My weight is about the same, I think a few pounds down than it was a few months ago. I still don't get on the scale much. I don't journal as often as I should or get on the treadmill as much as I could either. I can feel a pound or two added or taken off my body on any given day. Do you suppose that confirms that i'm now officially 'normal' ? When you're 400 pounds you spend so much time consumed with how you look, with food and diet and what the numbers say and all that you can't do. Not being 'normal'. It's refreshing to not be so overwhelmed by it that it takes over everything else in your life. Other things matter to you more. That's a good thing. You miss out on life itself being overly consumed with the things that come with being...that you.

I've come to learn that those few pounds also help to remind you, if you let them, of that 'you' that you used to be. Of that...'you' that consumed every part of your being and didn't allow you to be who you really are or enjoy your life the way that it was meant to be enjoyed. I'm amazed at how well I remember all of those emotions. Some people pray to forget. I learned a long time ago to never forget the lessons life teaches me. Even though they are sometimes almost more painful than I can stand....those lessons teach you...they are what molds you into the person you are.

I don't tend to complain too much if I go up a few pounds...not to the world anyway. And never, ever, to the people who tell me that 'i've done so well and should be happy cuz it's only a few pounds". I only tend to say anything to the people who really know me and remind me to suck it up...who know what I need. Who talk to me like I talk to myself. Who encourage me because they know how important it is for me to be proud of me. I am my worst critic, I am my own judge and jury. I know myself well enough to understand the solution and I know that talk, without action, is just hot air.

So don't plan on hearing me bitching about it. Look forward to me doing something about it.

I've still not broken down and had any diet coke. What a stubborn woman I am. lol I guess I feel like if I do it will just become a staple in my home again and I don't want that. Time will tell I suppose.

We are enjoying the 'new/old' house alot more than the last one. Having an older house certainly comes with more work but living here is still so much more peaceful. The neighborhood is prettier, the house has so much unique character and the yard is just great..even though it needs some TLC. Many of my older relatives live around the neighborhood on the street named after my family. I like that my kids are exposed to that. I was too and I think it did me alot of good. The other neighbors are really great too...the kind of people you want next door. It's so much more like home.

I've been on this path for 8 years now. I don't plan on getting off of it...ever. It's a part of me. It's a big part of who I am. So continue to support me as I will you...but please don't worry about me. I will be good and if I need you...i'm not too proud to ask.

The next chapter's not written yet so who knows what the future will bring.... for now we just continue to do the best we can do each and every day. Appreciate our lives for what they are...and all that we have. Never take the things you love for granted. Want not..DO instead. Keep learning, keep laughing and keep loving. Most of all keep believing in the power of you. I believe.

Kim
May. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:24 am
» A year without soda..
One year ago today we started the 100 day challenge at Getting2Goal. As part of this particular challenge we asked our members to omit something from their diet for twelve weeks. For some it was a red light food or something they felt dependent on. For others it was merely a way to prove to themselves that they could do something they may have thought themselves incapable of doing.

For me that something was diet coke. I wanted to shake things up and chose something that was a part of my daily dietary routine...a habit. Early in my journey I realized that I was drinking far too much soda and set the standard that there would be no diet coke for me until after at least 8 - 8 ounce glasses of water each day. That worked well for me but I noticed that diet coke seemed to trigger less restrictive behaviors in me. I did some research and asked around and I found that others experienced the same sort of effects. Because you can pretty much find information to support any claim, I am still not certain if those behaviors are/were chemical or phsycological. I just know that I felt less control when I put the water down and picked up a glass of diet coke. For all of those reasons, soda was omitted from my diet.

Because I can be extremely stubborn, it was not difficult for me to omit the soda for those twelve weeks. It's easy enough for me to just keep things out than it is to have them in moderation...especially when I challenge myself to do it. But by the end of the twelve weeks i had not noticed anything new or substantial in regards to my behaviors. The only real benefits seemed to be that I was drinking more water and actually incorporating fruit juices into my diet. More calories...yes...but variation has proven to be an important factor in keeping me motivated to continue this journey with some excitment.

The extra water was a huge benefit because, no matter how much I drink, the pangs of what feels like hunger always seem to be satisfied with a tall glass of water. Also, because of my own challenge, my family agreed not to bring soda into the house. They still ordered it when out and had a bottle here and there but they too learned how to incorporate more water into their diets...always a good thing and very much worth my own deprivation to see my kids consuming more of what's good for them.

So, I decided to conitue this challenge. At first I just kept it out with no time limits...just knowing it was doing us all better. After some more time passed I figured a full year would be a true test of my commitment to myself. As of today, it's been exactly one year.

I haven't lost any more weight by keeping soda out of my diet. I haven't noticed changes as far as headaches or hunger...etc. I don't think that diet coke is necisarily a bad thing and i'm quite sure that i'll be incorporating a glass here and there back into my diet. The only thing I feel like I missed is The BBQ Sauce, made with diet coke, that I used so often in my meals.

What I have learned through this 'self-test' is to be less dependent on something that was once a very important staple in my household. Something that at one time I thought I couldn't do without.

Another testament to the control we really do have over ourselves. Never say never.
Jan. 12th, 2005 @ 10:54 am
» Happy New Year!
Around this time of year the boards get extremely active. Everyone seems to have a resolution for the new year and many of those resolutions are weight or health related.

People come in with such good intentions. They leave posts and set goals certain that 'this is the time'.

We all do it.

Unfortunately, most of those new faces that we see will not be with us for very long. Dreams of being thinner and healthier are often too easily erased with that first cookie. Why do you suppose it's so easy for us to give up on ourselves? Why do we let that cookie determine whether or not we reach the goals we set for ourselves?

Something I’ve found to be very much in common with those of us with an extreme amount of weight to lose is that we tend to put others needs in front of our own. We would do almost anything for somebody else. If a friend came to us distraught at having blown his/her diet, it’s very likely we would do our best to pick that person up. We would counter any negative or critical comment with a positive one in an effort to raise their spirits and get them back on the right track. That part comes naturally to us.

So, why don’t we treat ourselves with the same kind of respect? If we find ourselves struggling we are so quick to put ourselves down or give up all together. We make excuses for our weaknesses and beat ourselves up in the process. We tell ourselves that we were just meant to be fat…that we are weak and have no will….that we’ll just start again…another day…etc., etc.

Isn’t it bad enough that society judges and chastises us based on our weight? Why do we do that to ourselves too? Why do we feel we are less worthy than others?

There are ways to counter that self defeating attitude. First you have to understand what it is that puts you in that frame of mind. Is it that cookie that sends you off program? Is it the lack of energy and effort you want to put into your exercise program? Figure out what your downfalls really are and where your demons lie. Then work on them…one by one. Baby steps!

It’s important to always remember that nobody is perfect. No matter how good you are at this, you will make mistakes. I would bet that person at their ideal goal weight still eats cookies. The real trick is not giving up. It’s learning how not to make it an entire package of cookies simply because you had the one. Figuring out how to shake it off and get right back to where you want to be without letting your entire dream shatter is key.

So you need to find what works best for you to ‘snap out of it’. For me, writing has worked wonders for as long as I can remember. There’s something about putting my thoughts into words that releases the negativity and strengthens my soul. It helps me to understand the thoughts that are dancing around in my head and enables me to get to know myself better. Writing can help you to determine what sends you off program and then what helps you to get back on track again.

Exercise is also key for me. Endorphins create a natural high and the time spent working out is also a great time for reflection. There are times I just do not want to even begin a workout but I’ve learned over the years that it’s those times I often have my best sessions. Getting going can be tough but once my heartbeat gets up there I’m raring to go!

Do what you have to do to get to know yourself and understand your behaviors better. That’s your starting point for figuring out how to change them. Be stubborn on your own behalf.

“Me” time is essential. Learning how to fit “you” into your busy lifestyle is not only key to your success when it comes to weight loss, but it is key to a successful life as well. Take a leisurely stroll, work in the garden, have a hot bubble bath or a session of yoga. Call a friend, make a lunch date when you should be cleaning a closet or turn up the music and dance around your house. Whatever it takes! Your spouse, your children, your job, your home….will all be that much better when you learn to make that time for yourself. It doesn’t seem that it would be that way but give it a try and find out for yourself. Learn to celebrate YOU!

Goal-setting is probably the most critical factor of changing your behaviors. For many of us that long term goal we set for ourselves can seem so far off…almost unattainable. It’s overwhelming to think about losing 100, 200 or more pounds. So, while it’s important to set a long term goal…a place you would love to eventually be at, it’s even more important to have short term goals.

Some of us set weekly or monthly exercise goals. Some join the 12 week getting2goal challenges. When we are struggling or when special occasions arise it can help a lot to have daily, or even hourly, short term goals.

What’s just as important is rewarding your achievements. You must recognize and reward yourself for the efforts you are making. It doesn’t have to be extreme or anything of monetary value. It can be something as simple as reading a chapter from your favorite book or buying yourself a new candle. Positive reinforcement and reward may seem selfish and unnecessary but it validates the changes you are making in a very real way and forces you to recognize those baby steps that will eventually lead you to the big ‘prize’.

Support plays an enormous role in weight loss. The success of Getting2Goal and connection between its members proves just that. There is something about going through this with the people that truly understand your desperation…and your dreams. We are all from different walks of life, different races, different religions, different beliefs and lifestyles but there is something very real and refreshing about having people who understand to talk to anytime of the day or night. Only the person who has had trouble fitting into a booth at a restaurant, who must order their clothing through a catalog, or who cannot fit into theatre seats or amusement rides can truly understand where you are coming from when you note the same.

These people also understand the struggle. They know what it’s like to fall back into old behaviors. They know what it’s like to look in the mirror and not like what they see looking back. They know it’s hard to put so much effort into something that seems so far off. These people are who remind me of why….

… I put effort into this same journey everyday.
… I’m worth that effort.
… I go that extra mile even when I don’t want to.
… Even without reward, I’m better because of the strides I’m making on my own behalf.
… I understand that even though I may struggle today…tomorrow it’s likely I will be at the top of my game.

The list goes on and on.

It is the strongest of us that seeks support for that which we desire most.

If it appears as though I have all the answers, I’m here to tell you that I most certainly do not. After almost 8 years on this particular venture I am still not where I set out to be that first day. I still have weight to lose. I still stumble and I still crawl. I have not yet reached my long term goal but I have changed in more ways that I ever imagined I would. I am still close to 200 pounds less than what I was when I began this journey. I can run for miles whereas before I could barely walk up a flight of stairs. I fit into normal size clothes that I can buy in a regular store and when I look into the mirror I like who I see looking back. My health has improved in so many ways that my doctor still invites his interns in the room to meet me. I don’t know that I would even be alive right now had I not taken the steps to change my life that I have. I am not, and probably will never be, 100% content with how I look on the outside. The fact is I don’t know anybody that is. That’s ok with me. There are times I feel as though I am still that 400 pound woman struggling with all of the same feelings. I assume that will never leave me and, honestly, I hope it never does. Being reminded is not such a bad thing when you keep it all in perspective. I don’t want to forget because I don’t ever want to go back.

Although I have struggled and suffered through things that no human being should ever have to endure, I have no regrets and I would not change a thing. I know it could be much, much worse. My life has molded me into who I am. I am no longer afraid of change or struggle. There are things I want and I don’t doubt for a moment that I will go after them with full force…. on my own terms!

I take the most pleasure in knowing that my difficult journey inspires so many others to help themselves. That is how most of you found your way here. I want nothing more than to prove to that 400 pound woman that she can accomplish anything that she puts her mind to as long as she believes in herself. Watching others succeed and prove things to themselves that they once thought of as unattainable has been my greatest joy in running this website.

I get more email than you could imagine. There are those who just wish to congratulate me. Those who have had success themselves and write to tell me how well they relate to some of the things I’ve said. Then there are those desperate letters. People who, no matter their weight, just want the answer. I can feel the desperation in their words…they could have been my own several years ago.

The truth is there really is no easy answer. That’s why no pill works, that’s why no one program is best for everybody. That’s why nobody can have all the answers.

To some, reaching an ideal number is priority. Some would just be happy with a few pounds gone. Some just want better healthy. Some people will travel down this path an awful long time before even being rewarded with noticeable change. That’s where the importance of reward comes in.

For each of us, this path is so very different. Our struggles are varied and complex. What helps one person most and is a constant struggle may come so easy to another. What’s labeled as a red light food for one person may be easily avoided by another. An exercise that some of us might see as ‘insane’ may be just what the other may need.

So, what’s the answer?

Well, that depends very much on you.

The only truly successful plan would be one that is catered specifically to you and your lifestyle…your likes, your dislikes with food, exercise…etc. The only one who can give you the answers you’re looking for …is you. Have faith in yourself. Learn about you and how you work. Face your demons. Find out what helps you…and what hurts you. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Find an exercise or workout plan that you truly enjoy…and that’s not to say all the time. Food choices, exercise…treating yourself better. Find ways to reward your efforts with the things that you love and try some new things.

Remember that you will fall but there is nothing that is holding you down…except you. “The only one who can stop you…is you! And you can take her!”

Find a good resource for support, whether it be Getting2Goal or somewhere else, and use it! Track your thoughts, track your food…then go back on those journals to get a better idea of how to do it better. Keep asking yourself how bad you want it..and what you’re willing to do to get it. Keep reaching, keep striving, keep fighting…and you will accomplish more than even your wildest dreams have ever imagined.

A very happy and healthy new year to you all!
Jan. 1st, 2005 @ 01:47 pm
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